Sorry, Clayburn's out of the office today and I'm filling in. Nice to meet you, hope you guessed my name. But in case you haven't, I'm Evil Clayburn.
The other day I was in Hastings, looking through some philosophy books (Socrates, what a dumbass). There was an old couple near me and I over heard one say, "The Good Lord giveth and taketh away."
Hmm...am I a good lord?
I do think I'm doing an okay job of being a god in general. It is disheartening being a kind of "middle management god". Clayburn is the god, in fact, I think I'm supposed to capitalize that. I'm more like...Hermes, but not gay. My role is supportive. Without me, would Clayburn still function? Maybe. But it would be difficult. He only has three support gods currently. There's me, Misunderstood Clayburn and Egotistical Clayburn. I'm sure you'd agree that without me Clayburn would be pretty much useless.
But is Clayburn a good Lord? Now, as the god of Evil, you'd expect me to lie, right? Wrong! The truth is often evil. Without me, Clayburn would be a very dishonest person. But I'd have to say that Clayburn is not a good Lord, going soley by the quote above. You see, he's very giving. But he doesn't taketh away. The good lord does both, yet he only does one.
I've decided to help him with this. You see, I'm part of this organization and if its leader isn't up to par, that reflects on me. When I go out to the bar people will see me and say, "That's the guy working for that Lord that never taketh away."
In other areas of godliness, Clayburn seems to be doing okay. He could afford to pay us more, or at least install a coffee machine in the break room.
Another area that could use improvement is his range of influence. There aren't many worshipers of Clayburn. I blame society's recent decline in morality.
I for one would like to see more forceful means of gaining influence. However, Misunderstood Clayburn is the favorite around here. Clayburn seems to think that the best way to gain worshipers is to give, give and give then make people feel sorry for him because he was such a giver and people treat him badly. He always tasks Misunderstood Clayburn with inciting pity within his subjects. It makes him seem weak and weakness is not respected. Without respect more people misunderstand him. It's a destructive cycle.
But I have a plan to turn things around. It may require me putting in some overtime, but I will try to make more of an impact here. If I could get Clayburn to follow through with some of my ideas and policies, I think it would be better for the long run of the organization.
You can help! Tonight when you pray to Clayburn, specifically send your prayers to Evil Clayburn. It should empower me enough to get ahead of Misunderstood Clayburn and enact some changes for the good, the evil good.